Hi my lovelies,
2018 has been a year of personal growth for me. Ever since I was a child, I’ve been told it was okay to make mistakes, as long as you learn from them and grow as a person. I never quite understood what that really meant and didn’t care to question it. Well, now I do.
As you probably know, I am engaged to G, the most incredible man in this entire world. What you might not know, is how much my relationship with him has taught me about myself.
Falling in love
I met G in Cégep when I was 17, just about to turn 18. I will always remember the first day of classes — I saw him waving in my direction and naïvely, I thought he was waving to me. You can imagine how embarrassed I felt when I realized he was waving to some guy behind me…
It wasn’t until December that we had our first “real” conversation. My mother had been begging me for months to talk to him. “He’s tall, handsome, intelligent and polite!” my mom said. G used to say hi to my mother every day after school, while she was waiting for me in the school’s parking lot. For some reason, I refused to even think that G and I could be a thing. After that initial conversation between G and I, we realized we had quite a lot of fun together and it didn’t take too long for us to become best friends.
Eventually, that friendship became something bigger. On a night out with friends, G finally asked me to be his girlfriend… and I said yes!
Fast-forward 1 year
About a year later, we were even more in love and one thing was certain for us — it was meant to be. We therefore applied to the same universities and made it clear to our families we would probably be moving away from our hometown… together.
University of Toronto it was. We found a condo, moved in, and started living our new life. Everyone had told us we would find it terribly hard living together. “The flame will die off”, “you guys will get bored of each other”, “you guys are living together, working together and going to school together… that’s a recipe for disaster”. We heard it all, trust me. But, we refused to believe it. We believed that our love was greater than anything else in this world and we were determined to prove everyone wrong.
That first year of university ended up being harder than I anticipated. I was not getting the grades I wanted in math class, I felt homesick and making friends in a commuter school was not easy at all. Thankfully, my relationship with G was the one thing that was going great. We loved each other more and more every single day (cheesy I know, but that’s really how it was), so much, that we got engaged that summer.
Side note… G and I have this crazy connection. It’s like… we know exactly what the other one is thinking without saying anything. That connection is so strong that G’s family has forbidden G and I to be on the same team when we play mime at Christmas because we are unbeatable — it’s quite impressive I have to say.
The rise of a social butterfly
When the second year of university started, I was determined to make friends.
I signed up for my university’s cheerleading tryouts. G was not too fond of that, but because he loved me so much, he supported my decision. When I got the email saying I had made the team, I felt so happy. I knew I would make tons of friends and that slowly, Toronto would start feeling like home.
A year later, I was so in love with my team, I decided to apply for captain. When I got the captain position, I felt as if I had finally made it — I felt confident, happy and proud. G was very happy for me, but his concerns kept growing as I spent more and more time with my friends. The issue was not that I was making friends, it was the fact that I always wanted more… I now wanted to be in a sorority.
G was really not happy about that… I mean, I understand given how American movies portray sororities. But, once again, he could see how much I wanted to join one and therefore, I officially joined a sorority in November 2017 (ps: it is nothing like Scream Queens… don’t worry).
It is neither the sorority nor the cheer team’s fault if I started going out so much. I do not regret joining any of those two organizations, but I wish I would’ve handled it differently. I was going out week nights with my girl friends, partying during the weekend and spending less and less time with G. I really didn’t see it as a big deal since we lived together. I kept telling G “You should make new friends… once you see what it’s like to have a lot of friends, you’ll understand and you’ll want to go out with them”.
At that point, we had two extremely different ways of seeing life. I was trying to enjoy my 20s as much as possible by fear of getting old without having any fun. G was trying to settle down, get his degree over with, get married and eventually, have kids. I could see how disappointed he was every time I chose my friends over him. I felt awful for not being there every night with him, but at the same time, I just wanted to live my life.
So, for about a full year, he let me spend more time with my friends and we simply pushed through.
Learn from your mistakes
For about a year, I had blamed most of our problems on the fact that G and I were isolating ourselves and living a closed life just the two of us. People kept telling us we should spend more time alone or with our friends and see what life is all about… so I listened! It took me a lot of time to pin point why exactly I felt the need to make so many friends when G didn’t seem to need it all… but recently, I was finally able to understand.
I feel like movies and tv shows really give you the impression that you need to live your university years to the fullest… or else, you’ll regret it once you hit your 30s and realize it’s too late. That was exactly what I was afraid of and it is the main reason why I felt the need to go out, drink more, have more friends and so on. Even though I absolutely hate the taste of all alcoholic beverages, I was forcing myself to live that “crazy fun” life to make sure I would have no regrets. I mean, I do agree with the fact that you should travel, have fun, go out, make friends and live your life to the fullest… the only problem with the way I did it, was that I forced myself into a lifestyle I didn’t want deep down.
Every couple has its ups and downs. What makes one special is if they can overcome those hiccups and grow together as a couple. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. Therefore, I do not “regret” what has happened because it has brought us to where we are today. All these arguments we had taught us a lot about who we are as individuals as well as what we want in a relationship.
Today, I am proud to say that we have finally found our balance.
When I started Sunsets&Bellinis, I wanted to share my stories with the world hoping to help at least one person. I think the message I’m trying to send today is to listen to your heart. These past years with G, people have tried influencing my decisions or even making decisions for me. At the end of the day, I always knew how much I loved G and I could feel that we were meant to be together. I decided to listen to my heart and that is the best decision I could’ve made. So to you lovelies, follow your heart. It might take time for all of it makes sense, but trust me, it will eventually.
To G, thanks for patiently waiting for me. Thanks for loving me no matter what and giving me the opportunity to grow at my own pace. I will love you forever for that.